Around the World in 80 Bucks.......

On the night of December 16, 2009, looking down on the twinkling streets of Malaysia from the window of an A340, I spent my last few minutes in Malaysian airspace wondering if I would ever visit this magical land again. It’s been 10 months since, and I miss the place. I miss Malaysia more than I've ever missed the Arab Emirates. This after spending 17 years of schooling and upbringing in the UAE, versus the four years of undergrad in Malayland. Which meant going back on occasion of the uni convo was a no brainer. And luck went my way as Air Asia was in a generous mood. The guys charged me charged me INR 7000 odd for a round trip from Hyderabad to Kuala Lumpur. Let me repeat that, an AIR ticket, from HYDERABAD to KUALA LUMPUR and BACK, for INR 7000 ONLY. In the same period, the cheapest flight to and fro New Delhi, cost about INR 5000. The KL ticket is, without exaggeration, mighty cheap. For just another 2000 bucks, I get to travel another 1700 km. That too to a place as lovely and beautiful as Malaysia. Brilliant, don't you think!!!!! 

But that’s before you get to know the genius (maybe even cheapness) of Air Asia. I had to pay for my check-in luggage. I need to pay if I want to choose my seats. I need to pay if I fancy their in-flight food. I need to pay if I plan to watch their in-flight entertainment. I need to pay if I want to use their pillow and blanket. And then when they land at the low cost terminal, - taxi and waiting fees for aircraft are lower here -, I get only the bare basic facilities. And in all this lies the beauty of no-frills flying. Because these are things you can do without. Think about it. You have never actually "chosen" your seat. The food usually sucks (except on Sri Lankan, Thai and Jet Air). Half of the people spend their entire time on the flight sleeping, so I doubt they'll miss the in-flight entertainment much. The blanket and pillow always generate static electricity which makes sleeping a nightmare, so you could do without them. And unless you are planning to spend the next 25 years of your life as Mehran Karimi Nasseri, airport amenities don't really matter, do they? In exchange for a cheap air ticket, I'm fine with the airline taking away those luxuries, for the simple reason that, at the end of it all, it is a brilliant bargain. Because the next cheapest ticket on the same route was with Malaysian Air for 13k. That’s nearly twice the amount I paid. Another six grand, just so I have shitty food while watching Robert Downey Jr. blitz the Monaco GP on a 5 inch screen. Not likely!!!! I let go all that, and still am pleased as punch.
  

The low cost carrier model does, however, scare me at times. Especially when guys like Michael O’Leary, CEO of Ryanair, think that cheap fares is all we are looking for. And in pursuit of that cheap fare anything and everything works. His plan of getting rid of co-pilots for instance. Instead, he wants air stewardesses to land planes. Which is fine I suppose, as long as he is willing to personally give hand written replies to each letter he receives from his passengers, mostly complaining how dead they are after taking a Ryanair flight. Because you don't become Chesley Sullenberger by simply attending training sessions. You do so after having tens of thousands of flying hours under your belt. 

An aircraft cockpit, until recently, was manned by three people, the pilot; the co-pilot; and the flight engineer. A young pilot fresh out of the academy would first spend few years as the flight engineer, primarily to manage aircraft flight systems. He would also be watching and learning from the pilots on making split-second decisions, delegation of authority, and landing into airports such as Kai Tak and LaGuardia. Only after enough experience was an engineer allowed to move onto the co-pilots seat. And again as a co-pilot he continued the learning, as both, a protégé of the pilot, and a mentor for the flight engineer. Again, only after spending great amounts of time as a co-pilot, did he get promoted to be a pilot. This state of affairs kept all the three members sharp and kept errors to a minimum, as everyone watched over one another. This also meant that in the event that the pilot is incapacitated, the co-pilot would take over. If both pilots were down, the flight engineer would. Nowadays, a flight engineer is only required on third and early fourth generation aircraft that run older flight systems. New aircraft, like the 777 and the A350, come with computers that take care of flight systems, and correct errors by themselves. So why pay a flight engineer when HAL 9000 is competent enough? Technology replaced a human layer of protection with a layer of artificial intelligence. O'Leary's plan, however replaces thousands of flying hours of pilots and co-pilots with a few hours of a stewardess spent on a flight simulator. 12-year olds spend far more time flying planes on simulators, and I don't see any one letting the kid land the plane. So why a less experienced person should be allowed to just to keep fares low?

Maintaining low fares isn't all that simple. You are paying low because the pilot is being paid peanuts.  How else will they keep prices down??? Again to keep prices low, carriers don't maintain an army of pilots. Fewer pilots fly a larger number of routes, and are pushed so as to get the every last possible bit of flying out of them. This usually means flying twelve to thirteen hours a day. So a pilot during the final legs of his shift is most definitely tired. Increased fatigue lowers concentration and the lower the concentration level, the higher the chance that the pilot will make an error. And that’s when you end up with incidents such as the one in Mangalore. What about aircraft maintenance costs?? Carriers overcome this by maintaining a fleet of the same aircraft. Southwest Airlines maintains only 737s. Air Asia flies only A320s. But if their idea to cut costs is a disregard to passenger safety, by making them stand during flights, you can't help and wonder if they are cutting corners in aircraft maintenance. Dear Mr. O'Leary, please do understand, as it’s not much I ask of. I don't care if you charge me for salted peanuts. What I'm really looking for is exiting the aircraft in the same condition I entered it in, in a single piece, and alive. 

Don't get me wrong, I am all for low fares. I support the "Everyone can Fly" motto. Everyone should. At least once in their lifetime. Sure, charge me for visiting the loo. But I draw the line when you plan to put me in SkyRider seats. I'd rather fly Air India. On second thoughts I'll probably walk.